Driving Tests

We've had all kinds of exciting things happen in the last week or so, so I've not had time to sit down and write about them. It's a strange sort of contardiction. . When nothing happens, I've lots of time to write, and nothing to write about, and when something happens, it's the opposite.

As well as that, I've got a cold. It was approaching 30C today (that's 86F), and I've got a cold. I hate having a cold when it's hot, it just feels wrong. I don't like having a cold when it's cold, either. (Notice how I got a mention of the weather in there, without appearing to gloat).

Anyway, this week we've been taking driving tests. Mine was first, on Tuesday, which also happened to be Halloween. Most of the staff at the DMV were wearing fancy dress, and I saw some flyers on a desk that asked people to vote for whoever had the best costume. (I was going to ask for one and say I'd vote for them, in case that helped).

I'd asked G, from CoCE, to come with me, as it says very clearly on the instructions that you have to have someone with a valid California license with you, but he had no role to play, and left again.

I got my paperwork and was sent out to the car, to drive around to the driving test lane and wait. My test appointment was at 8:30, and I was in my place in the lane at about 8:25. But I waited until 9:oo for my test. For one thing, it meant I was bored enough not to be anxious, and for another, it meant that I could watch the initial procedure for the people in front of me. (I wondered if they would ask the arm signals in the same order - and they did).

When my turn came Phil (for that was his name) introduced himself, and then did various checks on the car, and me. They make sure that the car has things like brake lights, and they make sure that I know things like where the indicator is. Phil was wearing a flat checked cap, very baggy jeans (not in a young trendy way) and a cardboard Halloween tie. He told me that his boss had made him wear it, and that she was a witch. "What, really?" I wanted to ask, but I didn't know if jokes would go down well, so I didn't.

Anyway, we set off. I knew there was a standard route, so as well as concentrating on driving I tried to remember where we were (I never did manage to retrace it all). It was fairly straightforward - there was a moment when a pedestrian waved me across the road, and I don't know if Phil noticed that, and might have thought I was driving when I shouldn't.

That's one of the weird things about driving here, - pedestrians have right of way at every corner. Unlike in the UK, where a driver might wave a pedestrian across the road, pedestrians wave drivers. And no matter how long you take, drivers just sit there patiently. You only have to stand near a corner, and cars slow down or stop. It makes driving around very different, because you have to go around every corner slowly, because you might need to stop. A couple of times, before I realized this, I've almost got into trouble. When turning left on a traffic light (same as turning right in UK) you wait for a gap in the traffic, and then when you think there's a space that's big enough, you accelerate and get through it.

But you can't accelerate, because it's a corner, and you have to drive slowly. Because there is a little old lady shuffling across the road in front of you. When it's busy, it's not uncommon for only one car to make a left turn on each green light, because of this.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, you have to reverse the car. This is (relative to any other driving test I've taken) the easiest part, by a long way. You park the car at the side of the road (a nice clear bit, none of this reverse parking, or even parking. It's more like stop the car near the kerb (or curb, as I have to spell it now). Then reverse, in a straight line. Officially, one reverses 2-3 car lengths, but mine felt like a lot less.

We arrived back at the DMV, and parked the car in the car park (I found out later that driving through the car park is part of the test). Phil said "Well, you didn't frighten me too much, and that's good", and followed up with "How long have you been here?"

I said "Never mind that, tell me if I've passed the test!!" Actually, I didn't. I said "Almost two months".

"Have you had a chance to look around much?"

"Tell me if I've passed the fucking test", is what I wanted to say, but actually I said "Oh yes, we've been to a few places".

"You know there are some great art galleries. Really good art - masterpieces. Every one's a masterpiece. And gardens, they really look after their gardens."

My fingers grasped around Phil's throat, he gasped for breath. 'The fucking test you wanker. Tell me about the fucking test" is what happened in my imagination. But actually I smiled and said "Oh yes, my wife likes gardens".

We walked to the test centre (he still didn't tell me, in fact he never directly said it), gave me a bit of paper, and I went home. I made three minor faults. I couldn't work out what two of them were, but they seemed to be "traffic check". I'd also stopped too close to the car in front at things like traffic lights. You are allowed to make 15 minor faults, before you fail. (That sounds like a lot, and I guess it is, but it's easy to do - if you make the same mistake every time you turn right, then you'll make about 20 of the same fault, and fail).

On Friday was S's test. We'd spent a while trying to retrace the route of the test, but never found it all. I remembered turning left at an IHOP [that's an International House of Pancakes] and we found the route up to that point, I never found the place where I did the reverse. But S got a lot of practice at driving around in circles while we tried.

While S did her test, I sat at a Starbucks opposite (hiding behind some trees) and looked out. She got Phil as well (sans tie), and asked if he remembered me. He didn't; he didn't remember the yellow car either. S had one fault - stopping too close.

So now we are legal and stuff, and our lovely new driving licenses will come in the post.